dude i'm inner monologue high
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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