I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
