Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
