a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
