Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
