Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
