how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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