sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
