Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
