Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
