Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
