So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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