Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
