Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He shit in the fireplace
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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