Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
