I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
