This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Shame - the story of my life.
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