I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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