she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
