i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
