I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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