your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Randomize
