so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
