Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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