Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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