Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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