Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
