so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
