I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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