we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
