He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dude. I can hear the air.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
