considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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