i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
