Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
