what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
