the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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