Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
