Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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