How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
