new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
