I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
