very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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