im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
