During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
