Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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