New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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