Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
