I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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