once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
