Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
pray to the hookup gods
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
