apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
