Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
