I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
