My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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