I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
