Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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