She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We don't watch enough power rangers
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I currently don't understand fingers.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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