I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cockslap morals
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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