you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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