we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
