hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
