ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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