the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
