she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
