Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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