it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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