Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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