Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
