my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Panties = found
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
