Little spoons don't ask big questions
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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