I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
