there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize