I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
