well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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