i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
