He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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