My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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