I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
