So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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