apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
