He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize