i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
