he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize