i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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