all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
