no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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