The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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