I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
