Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
