no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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