is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
