Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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