I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
