I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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