do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
