Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
