period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
