I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
