my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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