Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
