I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Randomize
