And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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