you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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