you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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