sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
