If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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