Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
