I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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