Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Houston, we have a squirter
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize